I don’t know if you know this about me, but I work for the state as a tax collector. This story begins with me at work…..
This woman calls in about her tax debt and she is very worried as she doesn’t want nor need a wage or bank garnishment. She wants to make sure that she understands the letters we have sent her. As I explained it to her she said not only did she receive a letter from us but she is now going through a divorce after being married and supportive for 20 years.
She proceeded to tell me that her husband was an alcoholic and how she had supported him for years, been there for him, loved him for him. She said she looks back now and she sees now how he was abusive to her verbally, mentally and emotionally.
I told her I understood and how hard it must be on her. She thanked me for acknowledging that for her. I told her how I not only understood but that I lived it. I explained a little about writing my book (not the title) and how my own family is disowning me.
She said she doesn’t get it. Why would her in-laws turn on her when all she tried to do was get him to get counseling? We talked a little more and found out that his family not only is paying for their divorce and making her out to be the bad person but that they had abused him as a child.
I told her that it’s their way of making it up to him. Sweeping the abuse under the rug and looking supportive to the rest of the world–like, see me, I’m helping my son who is going through a rough patch… She said she can see that. I then asked her if they had children, she said the youngest was 17.
We talked more, I suggested they stay in counseling. The child will act out, in fear, confusion, guilt as the child may think it’s her fault. The list goes on.
Then I went back to her tax question, gave her the spelling of my name and my work direct phone number. I told her if she googled my name and put abuse after it, she’d probably find me.
We all need to feel heard. Validated. Understood. Connected.
We all need to know that we aren’t alone, that others DO UNDERSTAND, Empathize-even sympathizes with us as we go through some rough times.
Please know that you aren’t alone. Find that connection to keep you sane, keep you KNOWING there are others out there for you. Find a group or one on one counseling.
I hope these blogs help in some way. Let me know so that I will continue writing. Otherwise, I may let my blog expire and stop if I don’t know that I have anyone here. I want to make a difference, to help you, not to write and no one see these.