Domestic Violence

Change it, Excuse it, or live with it

When a friend of mine was complaining about her life, I told her to change it, excuse it or live with it. She said I was being rude. This is what I told her.

You come to me and moan and groan about how things are. Yet you don’t do anything to change it. You always give excuses and then you go home and live with it even more.
If you were truly serious about wanting to do something different, you’d change it. But you haven’t. So, you need to stop giving it excuses and either live with it or DO something and change it.

We only get one life to live. I say live it well, live it happy and live it to the fullest you can. If you can do this, you can do anything.

You see, I used to be her. In fact, sometimes I still do this and I have to stop and ask myself… Can I do something to change it? If not, how can I live with it? I need to stop excusing it. Whatever the IT is.

Shortly after I turned 18, I got married. I was six months pregnant with our first child. He would tell me that I was fat, ugly, worthless, no good for nothing, sex was horrible with me and that he’d be better off fucking a hole in the floor than a whale like me.

Needless to say, it hurt my feelings. I complained to my friends who didn’t understand. They tried telling me that he wasn’t worthy of me, that I was better than that…. but what I really heard was that they were trying to break me and my husband up. So, I didn’t talk to my friends anymore. The excuses I gave myself were:  (1) He had lost his job and was feeling depressed (2) He was trying to help me not gain a lot of weight (3) He was upset that all I did was sleep and not care for him like a wife should.

These are excuses and I got better at them as he got worse on me. Yes, he beat me. He called me names, he used money against me… the list goes on. He would verbally, mentally, physically and sexually abuse me to make him feel better. He really is no better than a bully. A mean bully.

Instead of changing things in my power, like leaving him, I made excuses and I lived with it as long as I could; 13 1/2 years.

Don’t you do the same. If you can change it, do so! I know you are scared, I was too. I know what it’s like to KNOW the situation you are in as feeling “comfortable” vs leaving and being all alone and scared. I had 3 children and I left him, divorced him and have been happier ever since. It was scary. I had to learn how to cook, clean and pay bills all on my own at the age of 30. I never had to cook or clean before, my ex did that for me. I never paid bills as I never had money, he held it all and paid or not paid as he saw fit.

It took me a while to learn to actually cook and not just warm things up in the microwave. You can too.

If you truly want to change, you will find a way; if you don’t, you will find an excuse. Either way, you have to live with your choice.

So, I implore you, make a wise choice. Choose happiness, safety and love above all else.

I’m here if you want to talk more about this, or anything else.

Much Love,


About Lou

I am the light to brighten the way. Come on in and let's talk any day. I'm here to lend a shoulder or an ear. One can always leave me messages on here.
View all posts by Lou →