Domestic Violence

Bitter vs. Better

A co-worker was telling me about her life. She told me how she had been repeatedly raped, stabbed and left for dead. She told me how angry, resentful, hurt and bitter she is. I told her that I empathize with her. She told me in a hard-bitter voice that there was no way I’d know or understand how she felt being raped by strangers at the tender age of 18 or 19. (she’s over 40 now.)

I told her she was right. I didn’t know what it was like to be raped by strangers, only by family members who were supposed to love and protect me as a child. I told her it wasn’t just one time. It was over years of time, as well as with my first husband. So she is right I had no idea what she went through.

She then asked me how I wasn’t more angry about it.

(I’m going to tell you what I told her.)  I couldn’t let them take my power away from me.  She looked at me quizzically and I asked her if she knew that she was giving her power to her attackers. She asked me what powers? — I ask YOU… Do you know what power is that you give to someone else?  I’ll tell you…..

When you give your attackers power, you are giving them your choices. You can choose to feel a certain way, think a certain way or talk a certain way. But when you give your power to those who have hurt you, you no longer have the power to choose correctly, or what I like to call it… rationally. You see, when you stay angry at the one (s) who have hurt you, you no longer think rationally, feel rationally, or talk rationally.  You are letting “them” make you bitter. Your choices become bitter. Your life becomes bitter. You need to work on BETTER.

I was seven when I was first abused. It lasted until I was eleven. That doesn’t include the emotional, physical, or verbal abuse I went through.

Now to continue… she wanted to know how I kept my power from making me bitter.

I told her that I want a better life, not a bitter life. I want to be happy for ME. I want love, peace, happiness, authenticity. I cannot continue giving them power to choose for me. I get to choose. I choose who, when, where, how and why. I choose! I am better instead of bitter because I forgave those who had hurt me. Not for them! OH HELL NO! I did it for me. I couldn’t continue feeling all the bitter, resentment, hurts and anger anymore. I had children that deserved peace and happiness. I made the choice to forgive those who had hurt me; FOR ME. I made the decision to be free of their abuse. Because the more I told the story, the more I gave it credence, the more power they still had over me.  The more you tell your story, the more your tone stays angry, hurtful, bitter even resentful;  the longer you hold your anger or bitterness. The time you forgive, your tone changes when you tell your story.

Everyone has a story to tell. Everyone has a choice to be bitter or better based on their story. One can tell their story and be bitter or angry or one can tell their story and be better.

I don’t want pity when I tell my story. I want people to learn from my story. Know that they have choices, that they aren’t alone. I don’t just go around telling my story just to tell it and/or to hurt those who have hurt me. That is NOT why I tell my story.

People change all the time. Your clothes, your shoes, styles, perfumes/cologne, writing style, your words, your actions, the list goes on.  You have choices to be bitter or better. You can choose to happy, at peace, just plain better.

You have a CHOICE! What will you choose? Bitter? Or Better?

As a Healing Life Coach, I can help guide you to get better. Are you ready to get better or will you stay bitter?

Won’t you leave a comment? Will you please tell me how this made you feel?

As for me, I choose to be better.

Much Love,

Lou-Ellen