Domestic Violence

A-Z to helping abused victims

People wonder why victims stay in the unhealthy relationship, to begin with. Why not just move on? Get away! The answer is not easy and it’s not everyone’s answer.

You see, I was once an abused victim. I never knew it as that’s the way I was raised. My step-father would hit our mother, yell at her and us kids. So for me, it was the way things were. So, when I married my first husband and he would hit me, belittle me, tear me down and make me feel worthless, I thought that’s the way all men were and it’s a fact of life you live with or you don’t.

Today I’d like to share with you the A-Z’s of helping abused victims. Now it’s not a definite get help, get out quick thing; it’s just to help you help others.

A- Affirmation:

This is very important in helping victims to re-adjust their thought process. They have someone constantly putting them down, belittling them, making them worthless and they believe it. After all, if someone tells you enough times, it must be true.  Find things you like or admire about this person you want to help. Whether it be a friend, family member, or a stranger off the street. Maybe it’s their strength, or the love for their children, the care they show or give to someone. Whatever it is, keep telling this person day after day after day after day. Remember, Rome wasn’t built-in a day. It will take time so….

B-Be Patient.

No matter how many times you offer help, services or give affirmations, be patient. Their self-esteem and self-worth is torn to pieces and like Rome wasn’t built-in a day, neither will their self-esteem or self-worth. Don’t just say you love them or care about them, show them….

C-Caring.

Caring is important to be shown. It helps victims feel that there are people who honestly do care if they live or die. It might make a difference to the victims as they may be on the verge of ending their life. Show them it’s worth living. Care. After a while, they may realize that they can leave and it may give them….

D-Direction.

They may realize that life does have a higher, caring purpose and they may want to find their own direction. So give Affirmations, Be patient, continue Caring and hoping they change their life’s direction. Keep…

E-Encouraging.

Keep encouraging them to find their inner strength. Keep reinforcing or I should say, keep giving positive affirmations. But remember you need to be their…

F-Friend.

Being their friend and listening, not judging, not pushing them to do something they aren’t ready to do. Just lend an ear, a shoulder. Sometimes it’s the small things that matter most to victims. So be kind, patient and give them….

G-Guidance.

Subtly give guidance. I know, I know. It won’t be easy when all you want to do is to drag them off with you and keep them safe. But you really don’t know what is going on behind those closed doors. To be honest, you may never know. So be patient, wait for them to be ready. You may be their only…

H-Hope.

Hope is what keeps most victims alive and kicking. Not yet screaming, but kicking. They need to know that they belong somewhere. Being in an abused relationship may be the only thing they know. If that’s the case it will take time, patience, hope,  encouragement, guidance, friendship and so much more to help them realize their worth. You need to show them a life without abuse, subtly giving them the guidance and hope they may need. Little by little their world will change and it’s quite possible that it’s becoming….

I-Iridescent (I know it’s a BIG word, especially for me!)

It means: “The phenomenon of certain surfaces that appear to gradually change color…”  So there you have it with all the positive affirmations, your caring, patience, guidance and friendship they will see changes and when that happens you both may feel…

J-Joy!

What a feeling! Joy! It will come! Just you wait and see! The day will come that all your hard work and perseverance will have paid off! Then, do you know what comes next? Then you will see in their eyes the…

K-Knowledge.

You will see the knowledge of all you have shown and told them, pay off.  You will see the change and possible even a …..

L-Light.

Yes, a light in their eyes or steps. a lightbulb going off in their head when you are talking. Whatever, however it comes, it will SHINE! But keep in mind that all of this has to be…

M-Mild.

Yes mild. You will have to take baby steps or less. Perhaps even taking 2 steps forward and 3 back. It’s going to be a challenge helping victims and if you truly want to help then I strongly suggest you keep with the ABC’s as much as possible. You don’t want them thinking that you are trying to break up their family or hurt them somehow. So remember that you must continue to…

N-Nurture.

You must continue to nurture their heart, their soul, their love of their family or of them self. Nurturing is so much a part of us that sometimes we forget. So, SLOW down, be patient, kind, caring, understanding, and nurturing.  You must also be…

O-Open-minded.

You must keep in mind that they didn’t ask to be abused. They probably are afraid of judgment, unkindness and just plain negativity. So keep a…

P-Positive.

Keep a positive attitude, not only for yourself but the victim as well. They too, need to feel important and that their lack of leaving hasn’t made you leave them.  And do try to keep your inner voice…

Q-Quiet.

I know it will be a struggle, but one must remember that this is about them, not us. It’s their path to travel, their road to bear. Let’s just help them not do it alone.  Let’s show them…

R-Respect.

Respecting their decision is the American way to be. Let them choose when, where, how, etc. Just try to be there for them.  Helping them feel…

S-Special

is a great way to continue your friendship. Keep it real. Keep it simple. Don’t push, nag, or tell them they are wrong to stay. You don’t know if the abuser is threatening to kill them, their family, children, pets… you just don’t know.  Let them feel they can…

T-Trust you.

Don’t give them any reason to doubt your friendship, your caring, your words of affirmation. It’s a struggle, trust me I know! But the more you push, they bigger the wall they put around them to protect them.  So, try to be….

U-Understanding.

Remember it’s all about them, not you. Keep an open mind, positive attitude, give verbal affirmations.  They need to feel important, …

V-Valuable.

Feeling valuable is important for victims. It gives them purpose, a reason to continue living.  They need to feel…

W-Worthy.

Once all of these start taking place, they will look deep into their hearts and their heads will come up with ways to leave, move on, get out of the bad relationship they are in. YOU CANNOT TELL THEM HOW! They have to do it on their own.  There is no….

X-X-Ray Vision

here. No one can see the future. Nope, not even me! They have to do their own soul-searching or X-ray vision on themselves in order to …

Y-Yearn

to be a stronger, better person.  Because once they do, they will then have a …

Z-Zest

for life! A life free of abuse. A life free to be who they were truly meant to be.

I really hope this has helped you.  Please leave comments and let me know if any of this makes sense to you.

Being a survivor of abuse, I wish I had someone to have helped me and not given up on me. I hope you don’t give up on the victim you want to help. Being there can make all the difference.

If you found this helpful, or think it could help others, please share this with others. And don’t forget to leave me a comment. Thank you.